shadow_geek

a. the indignation towards this situation passed a while ago, but i figured it was good enough to document for future digestion

b.

sooo my father has always been absent. he prefers to observe the lay of the land behind the stage curtains and far far away from any the participating crew. in terms of the nature of the beast, he is the mysterious vestigial organ.
and well, luckily, as one of his 3 off springs i can vouch for the fact that we are a self-sufficient bunch, one with no real need for father-ly bonding past the age of 13.
my sister's going to get married, though. and before she was 8, my dad left her mother and married my mother. consequently, my brother and i came into the picture years later. i feel as though we took away her opportunity to have her father with her. she didn't have her father to sing songs with and be there when you fell down, etc.
it's the equivalent to receiving a prize/treasure un-earned. it makes me cry thinking of how unjust the situation is.
to an observer, we are the chosen ones, replacing someone else and relishing in the conquest. it isn't right.
my father was nothing but a financial help to her throughout her life. he doesn't make the effort to really and truly become involved in her life, learn about her friends, her interests, where she works, and how her future engagement/marriage plans are going.
even now, it doesn't even matter that we share the same roof with him. he plays just as vacant a role in our lives, as well.
for having three children, he's awfully under-qualified as a father.
and it's true. to allow him to walk her down the aisle is nothing more than a kind gesture in his favor. he hasn't really earned that or the love and respect of his eldest daughter.
i would think that the best solution is to just have her be walked down the aisle by both the man that really was a father-figure in her life, and her real father (as unforgivable as his actions, or rather his lack of, might be).
break from tradition, i say. you're the self-proclaimed black sheep of the family anyways.
and to think, you're the person we (my brother and i) look up to the most, because you're as strong and smart and amazing as we hope to be one day.

I want to want.

well, that's sort of unfortunate.

Death is alot like love.
The first time you feel it, the waves of the moment wash over you.
Even when you sleep your body keeps the movement.
The ongoing dance,
Your insides are like a ship lost at sea.
You don't know what will become of you
or your companions.
This deep weight of sadness
of what you once were
of how its lost forever in some distant land.
How you can only go forward
farther and farther away from familiarity.
Hope.
Its the tugging that hurts.
Something wanting to solidify its place in your heart.
Someone or something anchoring you to a memory of home.
When you think of it,
the waves inside of you start thrashing
Your throat is unable to scream
Your eyes burn.
You melt.
Rocking yourself to sleep.
It's finding the most primitive part of you.
It's being vulnerable.
It's letting go.

That is life.

TWO STEPS FORWARD TWO STEPS BACK

The market’s vision of cha-cha-cha
BY RICHARDN.
CROFTCROFTFINANCIALGROUP

Since the beginning of the year, North American stock markets have been doing their version of the cha-cha-cha. Two steps forward… two steps backward. And it may become the norm rather than the exception, through the next two years.

For those who missed it:

( LWAR and Hot Tamales [+17] )

My grandmother died today.

Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, some thing you have always wanted to tell me - anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like.

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(red blue hot cold)




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Qoute of the Day:

Brain - "Pinky, Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Pinky - "Well, I think so Brain ..But if they call them sad meals kids won't buy them"

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Want to buy an emu?

Note: Comment Anonymously folks, and do get it right the first time because I get your comments as an email and that defeats the purpose hehe :)

p.s. That doesn't mean I have a god-complex

p.p.s. I bet [ a # ] of people will comment, augh

p.p.p.s. *shrugs*


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Dear ______,

You make me ________. You should _______. Someday I will ______. You = ________. If I saw you now I'd __________. I would build a _______ just for you. I would get your name tattooed on my __________. If I could sing you any song it would be _________. We could drink __________ under the stars. My love for you is like that of ____________.

Love,
[insert anything but your name here]

(P.S. ______________.)

*giggles*